Enter the publicist

I suppose it was inevitable.

Last week I received an e-mail from a  publicist who would love to guide me to the top of the New York Times best seller list.

Who wouldn’t jump right on that offer?

Now, let me explain. I didn’t mean it was inevitable that my sparkling talent and superior writing brought me to the publicist’s attention. I meant it was inevitable that a new business would grow up around Indie publishing. With so many new books being self- or Indie-published, there is a growing market for entrepreneurs who see the need for marketing said books. I figured this one trolled the trade magazines to get the names of writers whose books had recently been purchased and went to the trouble to getting their e-mail addresses in order to make a pitch.

I was tempted, I’ll admit,  to have someone else plan my publicity campaign, including appearances on national television. Well, maybe not that. Unless the station sent its interviewer and camera crew to my home. I’ve gotten better at speaking to book clubs,  but I’m sure talking to  a television host would bring my awkward, self-conscious public persona out of hiding.

Host: Tell us a little about your book?

Me: Well, uh, it’s sort of an  alternate history with characters who have paranormal abilities.

Host: So it’s a paranormal?

Me: No, not exactly.

Host: Steampunk?

Me: Not really.

Host: Well, what is it, then?

Me :  Uh…

Host (after waiting an agonizing 15 seconds):  So, tell us about the plot?

Me (staring at ceiling and perpiring as if it were 90 degrees inside the studio): Uh–it’s complicated.

Host: Time for a commercial break!

Me: I thought this was public television.

Anyway, you get the idea. I’d be no good being interviewed on either radio or television unless I memorized the questions and answers first. And at my age, I can’t remember what I came into the grocery store for.

So I guess I’ll decline. Too bad, I’d really like to make the New York Times best seller list.








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